The days of drudging across hundreds of miles of winding, nauseating roads in an un-air-conditioned jalopy to cast fishing line and shower in deluges of sludgy sand-water appear to be over. Finally, I can arrest my attempts at feigning illness to miss family getaways. And it seems that worry-free vacations actually exist in places other than my sweat-drenched dreams from the car’s backseat while patiently waiting for Father to “kick himself out,” as our mother gently put it. Cruises allow families to affordably construct worry-free vacations in exotic climes with a myriad of de-stressing activities which doesn’t include kicking.
In my mind, the word Caribbean tends to make the sound of a cash register excitedly being opened, but, Caribbean Cruises are considerably more affordable than I conjectured — although still pricey for larger families. A 6-night cruise spent gracefully floating throughout the Bahamas (think Beach Boys’ songs) tallies up to just over a grand when procured after prime season (June to August) through Royal Caribbean Cruises. Fares continue to plummet after August, where consumers can register for a 3-night Caribbean Cruise in mid-September for a paltry $304. Cruises are also available for Alaska (7-night Alaskan Cruise runs $1400 in August and $550 in mid-September), Canada and New England, Europe (Mediterranean Sea), Hawaii, and Transatlantic.
The cruises’ activities vary as much as the destinations themselves. Cruise boats are akin to floating four-star hotels replete with fitness centers, ATMs (which routinely include a $5 surcharge for all transactions), high-speed Internet access (available for a nominal, hourly fee), tanning beds, bars, and comedy clubs. Intimate dinners entice romance-minded parents, while hip discotheques supply their children with safe and legal revelry. Observation decks pepper the higher altitudes of most cruise ships where vacationers can repose with promontory-like views of the Caribbean. Theatre, dance, and comedy troupes appear to be hidden in closets, waiting to pop out and entertain at a moment’s notice. Doctors are even on hand in case someone finds the fun a little too overwhelming (or just forgot to bring their sea legs).
Duty-free shops and boutiques abound onboard where a year’s income can be recklessly spent on native bric-a-brac. And offshore excursions provide landlubbers some much-needed stability. Skulking around ancient ruins, haggling over necklaces, even an occasional golf tournament has been known to turn up on the list of land-related activities. On the other, louder side of the spectrum, adventure sports such as rock-climbing, cliff-jumping, sky-diving, and other hyphenated location-action verbs proliferate for the more steely nerved passengers in search of adrenaline.
In all, worry-free vacations, in the form of cruises, contain recreational activities for any and all — from the making of lanyards and visors, to plummeting and spelunking. Cruises give vacationers a well-deserved break from the strain and stress of planning family vacations that inevitably fall prey to some frustrating twist or pinch of fate. It seems as though cruise directors have worry-free vacations down to a science — passengers need only bother with selecting which activities to pursue; the remaining details rest with the crew. So, if the decisions of this year’s family vacation fall in my court, rest assured that instead of meandering through the back roads of dusky lakes, my family and I will whisk ourselves away to the Bahamas for a week of real relaxation. I bet my father will get a kick out of that.
By Jean-Pierre Lacrampe