Adoption is the process by which a mother gives up her parental rights and gives them to someone else so he or she may raise the child as his or her own. Often, the decision to place a child up for adoption is made because the mother has determined she does not have the experience and/or resources to give her child the kind of life she thinks he deserves. A mother gives her baby to a couple so that their family may be complete, and her child may have more opportunities in life.
There are generally two paths women and childless couples can take in order to facilitate the adoption process. The first one, called private or independent adoption, is any kind of adoption that does not use a licensed adoption agency. A couple who cannot have a child of their own may advertise in the newspaper or on the web, or may simply talk to friends, neighbors, ministers at their church, and other people they know in order to find a birth mother. The birth mother may know a couple already that she thinks would give her child the ideal home, and contacts with them directly. The legal paperwork is then usually handled by an adoption attorney.
The second path is with an adoption agency. The cost of using an agency is customarily paid for by the couple wanting to adopt. This makes the process easier for the birth mother, who may already have concerns about the costs of medical care. The adoption agency will pre-screen couples to determine what their reasons are for wanting to adopt a child, as well as where and how they live, what kind of marriage they have, whether or not they are financially stable, and what kind of parenting philosophies they have. They will do a back-ground check to see if there has been any criminal activity, including abuse. The agency handles all the legal paperwork and offers extra services, such as counseling for the birth mother before and after the adoption.
Counseling services are an especially important service for the girl or woman who decides to place a child up for adoption. She may feel some very overwhelming emotions, such as grief and a deep sense of loss. An agency may also provide support groups for birth mothers to get together and share their experiences. This will help the birth mother maintain hope for both herself and her child.
There are two kinds of adoptions: Open and closed. In an open adoption, the birth mother and adopting parents agree to keep in contact after the adoption. The birth mother may receive letters and updates about her child, and may make visits. This kind of adoption requires that an attorney or agency provide specific contracts, as it is not uncommon for verbal agreements made about open adoptions to go overlooked.
There are advantages to this kind of arrangement that may appeal to both sides, especially when a child reaches an age where they have questions about their adoption. However, if the birth mother moves on to have a family of her own, the adopted child may wonder why her new children are kept and he was not. Ongoing counseling can help both the birth mother and the adoptive parents approach these questions in a way that helps the adopted child feel valued and secure.
In a closed adoption, the birth mother and adoptive parents do not exchange identifying information, such as addresses and phone numbers, and in some cases do not even know each other’s names. When a birth mother places a child up for a closed adoption, she will not be able to contact him and follow up with his new parents. Some closed adoptions do allow for the birth mother to write a letter to her unborn child explaining the circumstances that led up to the decision to place him up for adoption. She can then express her love for him, and her belief that he will have much more stability and more opportunities in his new family.
State Laws regarding Adoption
Adoption laws differ from state to state. Some require the birth father to officially sign away his parental rights. Others allow the birth mother to place a child without the father’s knowledge, or without his consent if he refuses to provide for the child or participate in his upbringing. Most require that the birth father must be at least informed of the decision to place a child up for adoption. He may have the right to object, even if the child has been living with his new parents for over a year. If the birth mother chooses an adoption agency or experienced adoption lawyer, she can seek the advice she needs concerning any involvement from the birth father.
Each state has their own rules about private adoptions, and who is allowed to advertise in local papers or on the Internet. In some cases, only licensed adoption agencies may advertise.
Many states do give the birth mother the chance to change her mind, even after she has signed consent forms. In some states she may also change her mind a few months after the baby is born and already living in their new home.
If you are in the process of making this monumental decision to place a child up for adoption, seek out support for the journey ahead. The more information and assistance you have during this critical moment in your life, the easier it will be to make the right choice for yourself and your child.
By Alisa Elizabeth King Terry