Adoption has existed for much longer than any records can show, and every single case has been and will continue to be unique. Every birth parent and adoptive parent wants something different than anyone else because of the value at stake, and everyone has his own idea of the best way things can turn out. No matter what the individual case, however, you will notice one similarity among all adoptions—they work when all parties understand each other, and compromise with each other. And when people don’t communicate well, they don’t work.
Open adoption tries to ensure that everyone will communicate so that everyone knows how the others feel. This kind of adoption doesn’t always work for everyone, but it does try to personalize each case because advocates understand the differences in every adoption case. Up until the late 1970s, nearly all adoption cases went through a professional agency handled by social workers and attorneys following strict rules, unlike open adoption. These rules included that the adoption case would remain completely confidential, and that the birth mother should not see the child in the future, except in rare compromises. Many times, the birth mothers never got to see the people who adopted their child, or even hear anything about their child as it grew up. This loss and all the unknown fear this process created caused a lot of grief, even years later. A group of frustrated birth mothers eventually got together and came up with the idea of this new adoption, in hopes that other people would benefit from facing adoption a little differently.
The main difference between open adoption and traditional adoption involves choice – the birth parents’ choice of adoptive parents, and both parents’ choice of future contact between the child and the birth parents. Although not everyone may want to retain contact in the future as the child grows older and needs to form his own identity, many parents do think that an open method will help in answering questions and bring people together, and these benefits outweigh the extra confusion and possible tension. Whatever the birth parents and adoptive parents decide in adoption, the important thing is they have the opportunity to decide whatever they want individually, and understand how the other party feels.
If you’re considering going the route of open adoption, then you want to know exactly what kind of situation you want, and you have to clearly communicate your views with the other party. You should write up a contract in adoption cases stating exactly how much you want the birth parents involved in the child’s life, and realize that this contract possesses legal status in a court of law. An adoption contract will prevent unwanted visits from birth parents and a better mutual understanding of the situation on both sides. In this kind of adoption, people can choose to have a confidential adoption, where the birth parent agrees to share minimal information only through the agency and not in person, and all contact with the child stops with the placement. You can also choose a mediated relationship, where the birth parent maintains a distant relationship with the child such as sending pictures, letters, and gifts, but they don’t have a very close relationship. You can also choose a fully disclosed version of adoption, where the child and birth parent meet regularly as family members do, and the child can also have contact with her birth parents’ extended family.
By Lisa Zyga