Few things distress me with the appalling accuracy of Calvin Klein ads—some lithe (or more correctly: emaciated) model writhing on gray carpet in a jock strap posing as a company’s clothing line. Heroin chic, I believe, is what it’s called. And, let me tell you, someone is definitely using heroin at that company, and I don’t think it’s just the models. So, what do I think about the new line of Calvin Klein swimwear aimed at kids? I hope it can’t swim.
I got a sinking feeling as soon as I heard the news of a new Calvin Klein swimwear line aimed at “fashion conscious” young girls. A collaborative effort between Calvin Klein and Warnaco Inc, the line is entitled “Choice Calvin Klein” and features a gallimaufry of patterns and color schemes (think Crayons). Bikini tops and bottoms are bought and sold separately, which, according to sources inside Calvin Klein, allows young girls to experiment between the styles and colors (but, in reality, ends up simply costing parents a small fortune). All this new-fangled swimwear forces me to ask: What ever happened to the plain old one-piece? As a boy, I remember using my oldest pair of shorts as swim trunks, and, as I recall, nothing tragic ever resulted. So, why are parents, through advertisements and such, being inveigled to shell out hard earned monies for hard to see bikinis?
If you want an editorial, I say leave this Calvin Klein swimwear alone. It’s not that it’s unattractive (for the record it is most certainly unattractive), but rather the principle of the whole thing. Swimming is meant to be fun; some rambunctious relief from the summer’s heat, not the infant stages of a self-conscious fashion show.
Tossing this opinion to the journalistic winds, the clothing line itself debuted in July of 2004 on the coattails of the “Choice Calvin Klein” underwear line, targeted at younger, female clients as well. The cloth employed in the line (the assembly line) is a poly-blend (most notably, 24% Lycra) which runs the entire gamut of colors, which happen to be haphazardly mixed and mismatched throughout. Tops come in a range of styles: bandeaus, triangles, halters, camis and underwire (I have absolutely no idea what these words signify). Bottoms are available in the current trends—meaning: string bottoms, boy shorts (for girls, though) and a variety of cover-up skirts and chemises. Prices are, most certainly, off the deep end.
So, what are the benefits of choosing Choice Calvin Klein swimwear sets? Well, for the fashion conscious younger woman, the sheer variety in colors and styles and the interchangeability of bottoms and tops might prove attractive features. Warnaco and Calvin Klein are both companies that enjoy unparalleled respect and admiration in the fashion community, so the quality of the merchandise should certainly exceed par. But, for both of these benefits (and, perhaps most of all, for the name Calvin Klein itself) you will pay for out the bikini bottom, if you catch my drift. In short, someone needs to take this Calvin Klein out for some serious, careless dunking.
By: Jean-Pierre Lacrampe