The unfortunate circumstance of having to give a child up for adoption is an exceptionally painful and agonizing experience for the birth mother. The relinquishment of a child into the arms of another mother is an extremely heart wrenching event. At times, mothers are not given many options, but adoption becomes the most reasonable and valuable choice. Social environments and family settings often produce shame, regret, and embarrassment within the mother, and attempting to hide or disguise one’s mistake through adoption is many times the most sensible option. This, in turn, can produce an adverse effect on the adopted child while they are growing up. Problems with identity throughout life become issues because of the impact of the mother’s decision for adoption. The punishment the birth mom inflicts upon herself because of her choice can have a negative effect as well. The feeling of unworthiness becomes an element in the mother’s life that can, over time, lead to health problems, and oftentimes, secondary infertility.
Deep, emotional scars become impermeable because of the mother’s loss, and grievance is often executed in the same way as a funeral is. This is the reason why most mothers prefer to have an open adoption. In this case, the identity of the birth mother is known by the adoptive family, which can be an advantage to the child’s emotional development as well as the mother’s abilities to cope. Even if communication is not established between the birth mom and child, records remain open for the child to investigate later on in his or her life. Also, regular pictures and updates can be provided to assist in scheduling visits and providing current contact information. This remains the healthier alternative to adoption, not only for the child, but for the mother at birth and adoptive parents as well. Establishing an open communication between the birth mom and adoptive parents is beneficial today through the means of “independent adoption.” Independent adoption allows for the birth mom to not only choose adoptive parents for her child, but also to help pay for the doctor care, prenatal care, hospital stay, living expenses, maternity clothes, and other expenses, in turn giving the birth mom more control.
Adoption is a stressful and emotional time for the birth mother, adoptive parents, and child involved. Sometimes, adoption is a solution for a birth mom who is lacking the financial and emotional resources to provide an appropriate future for her child. Adoption may also be a solution if the mother is too young to take on the responsibilities of looking after a child or has no support from her family and/or the child’s father. Other times, adoption is a solution for a birth mom who has plans to go back to school or start a career. All birth moms love their children greatly, and through adoption, believe that they can provide them with the future their child deserves, but could not supply themselves. The birth mother and child deserve the best, and through adoption, both can be given the best.
By Danielle Spanner