The Other Parent
Throughout history, fathers have often been seen in a slightly less flattering light than mothers; they have not been as actively involved in the day-to-day raising of children, have not been given custody as much in divorce cases, and have at times not been considered at all in adoption cases. More recently however, the role of the birth father has been given increasing importance and consideration in all issues concerning children. This has led to more consideration of fathers’ rights in court and in adoption procedures and more services available for fathers looking for long-estranged children and children looking for fathers.
Options for Fathers
In the past, expectant fathers did not always get to have a voice in matters concerning their children. This was especially disappointing in cases where they were not to be allowed to see the children, as in divorce or unplanned pregnancies. Fortunately for everyone, the birth father is now taken into account in nearly every decision.
Fathers who have already established a relationship with their children for any number of years and are facing divorce and the resulting household division can generally come to agreements with the mothers stipulating that both parents get to have equal contact with the children, or whatever arrangement they would like so long as both parties’ concerns are taken into account. These agreements are usually established during legal divorce proceedings, and in amicable divorces can be quite flexible. In less amicable divorces which require increased involvement of a judge, either or both parents maybe forced to compromise more than they had planned, but both parents’ wishes will be considered unless one or the other is deemed unfit.
In cases where the expectant father knows his child will be given up for adoption, he has the option in most cases to petition for custody if he so chooses. In most cases, a judge will give more priority to a birth father than to adoptive parents, even if the birth mother wanted the child to be adopted. In any case, the father’s point of view and wishes will at least be considered and there are legal actions available to him.
If a man is not in contact with the expectant mother of his child and suspects that the child may be placed for adoption, some states are now making biological father registries available. Fathers can register on these lists to be informed if the child in question is adopted. There are usually time restrictions on when a man can register, and there are usually little or no fees involved.
Finding Your Father
If you were child of divorce or adoption or another circumstance that prevented you from knowing your birth father, and you have made the difficult decision that you would like to find him, there are many services that can help you. One of the most convenient ways for adopted children to look for a birth parent is to seek information from the adoption agency. While the agency may not be able to provide a birth parent’s current contact information, you might be able to at least get a name and past address.
If you are unable to get more than a name, you may want to use any of a number of people search services. These services can be most easily found and researched for legitimacy on the Internet. They may charge fees for message board placements or detailed search results, but should not be unreasonable in light of your desire to contact your birth parent. Depending on your individual situation, it may take a large amount of time and research to find the right person, but databases and message boards set up specifically for this purpose can be extremely helpful, and you may find that your birth parent has made information available in the hopes of finding you as well.
Once you have found your birth parent, no guarantees can be made about what you should expect, but if nothing else you can have the peace of mind that the person is not simply an unknown factor in your life anymore.
By Kristin Cleveland