Dividing siblings through foster care or by placing them in separate homes can only add to their emotional burden. In the U.S., many former foster children are now searching for their biological siblings, as well as their biological parents. For children who have had histories of abuse or neglect, maintaining the sibling bond may be harmful or therapeutic. Siblings may unconsciously or consciously remind each other of past harmful situations, but they can also form a strong bond by experiencing such things together.
Things to consider about adopting siblings
With transracial or transculutural adoptions, there are more aspects that have to be considered with the adoptive process. The opportunity to adopt twins from another country is very rare, and you may find that one twin has been put up for adoption, but the other has not. For example, under China’s one-child-per-family law, couples often give up girls for adoption and keep the boy. Siblings are often available from India and Brazil and less often from other countries. U.S. adoption laws do not allow for the adoption of two unrelated children simultaneously, except in rare circumstances. When adopting siblings from another race or culture, being together may mean that the children will be able to retain more of their native language and culture. On the other hand, it may also result in the children adapting to their new home and language slower.
How much past trauma have the siblings experienced?
The more trauma that exists from abuse or neglect, the more issues each child will have. Depending on the country, you may or may not receive documents and information about the adopted child. In the U.S., however, social aid agencies are required to release such information. Make sure all of your bases are covered and ask. However, past abuse, neglect or trauma is not a reason to pass on adopting siblings. The goal is to help the siblings heal from the past by putting them in a safe environment, with parents they can trust and form relationships with and provide therapy or medication when necessary.
How many children are you considering adopting?
This is not for or against adopting more than two siblings. Each situation is different and every adopting parent feels differently about their adopting wishes. However, consider what will happen once the euphoria wears off. If you are adopting siblings from another country and a vastly different language (for example, going from Chinese to English), the transition will be stressful for the children who are trying to communicate to an adult who doesn’t understand; the adult may also become frustrated by the inability to communicate. It will be even more difficult if the children have to be shuttled from parents to babysitter or daycare or school and back home again. The need for one-on-one bonding time for each child with each parent is critical. Some adults don’t even have time to read to their children before bed at night. Adopted children need cuddling time, security, plenty of time and love and the almost constant presence of an adult who will be a stable presence in their life.
By Virginia Zignego
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